let's talk...deployment



source

If it's alright with you guys, I'm going to just talk.  Talk deployment.

For those that don't know, my hubby is currently deployed.

Six months total.

After reading that, some of you probably instantly thought "that's nothing!" or "wow, that's long."  Either way, it's time that my hubby and I are apart.

It's time that our family has a piece missing.  It's time that is spent missing someone.  It's time spent feeling lonely (at night, especially!).  It's time spent being so busy playing mom and dad to my daughter (and step-daughters when they are here).  It's time spent counting down the days; looking forward to that day our family will be one again.

No matter the length of deployment - we all feel the same while living (surviving) it.

There is good and bad that go along with deployments (just like everything in life).

The bad:  Raising Riley alone.  Adding multiple jobs to my already busy life as a stay-at-home mom.  Having to kill bugs and catch mice (you know, wear the big girl pants).  Cooking and having way too much food leftover each meal.  Constantly being reminded of Aaron's absence (his truck in the drive way; his shoes near the door, etc.)  Having no one to talk to or laugh with at night.  Simply put, missing him.

The good:  Watching whatever I want to on TV.  Eating whatever I want for dinner (cereal, anyone?)  Having full control of this household (for me it's a good...because, well, I'm a control freak!)  Mom and daughter bonding time.  Being pushed to be brave about things (again, catching mice and killing huge crazy looking bugs/spiders).  Challenging in a good way - testing myself constantly; learning what I'm capable of and what I enjoy doing (aside from my wife/mom duties).  Developing important skills - like talking to myself; going days without showering; burping out loud; and actually leaving dishes in the sink (I never knew I could do that before!).

For me, it's always best to focus on the positives.  It doesn't come natural to me all the time, trust me!  (Some of you already know this.)  But I've learned that complaining, feeling sad, being in a funk, etc. does no one any good - myself, my family, my friends.  Whereas being positive instantly makes me feel better and allows me to be the best mom and wife I can be.  Too, we all know that it could be worse.

So, I'm trying to take advantage of the time alone.  I'm learning more about myself.  I'm finding hobbies and things that I enjoy doing.  Right now, it's those little "goods" that keep me happy day to day.  And of course, I'd happily give them all up to have Aaron home!  And actually, many of those "goods" are staying - like my new hobbies, leaving dishes in the sink...  Don't worry, Aaron, I will shower more frequently when you are home.  Ha.

At the end of the day, whether my hubby is here or not I am still his wife.  And having that title alone makes me proud and motivated to keep doing what I do every day.  I do this for him and for our family.

During deployments, it's the homecoming that keeps us going.  It's knowing that this separation isn't forever.  There's excitement about the reunion.  There's hope for a better future when he returns.

I will say that deployments are easier with Riley in the sense that I am busy every day with her so much that I have to keep moving.  Amazingly, the days pass by fast.  On the flip side is that it's hard watching Riley do things when I know her Daddy isn't here to see them.  It's hard hearing her talk about Daddy when I know she can't see him right that second and vice versa.

All of this is from my point of view.  Obviously.  My husband would have an entirely different post about deployment.  He misses home.  He misses his family, his daughters.  He misses having freedom to go here and there.  He misses normal clothes.  He misses great food and great company.  For him - the days are longer and harder.

Thinking of Aaron and knowing what he's going through helps me to continue doing what I need to.  He has it harder.  He is sacrificing so much.  (I am too, but sometimes I feel it doesn't even compare!)  He truly, seriously is a hero of mine.  I look up to him in so many ways; I rely on him; I need him; I respect him; I'm so very proud of him.

We miss Daddy a lot around here but knowing we are seeing him soon helps us to keep moving.

About two more months left!  Woot woot!!